Youth Minister Substitute

K, so being the sweet wife that I try to be, last night I taught our middle school youth group in sick Darin's absence. This should be simple, right? Play games in the gym for 40 minutes and then teach them a lesson that I heard Darin give Sunday night at our high school youth group. Easy... ya, that's what I thought...

At first we only had 5 kids so they decide that they want to play knock-out before the other {always incredibly late} kids arrive. They know I stink.. I was a gymnast.. I kinda have this graceful, toe-pointing shot going on. So the one kid deliberately puts me in front of him so that he can get me out quickly. The kids' obviously a genius cuz it worked.

Horrible at knock-out - Youth minister substitute STRIKE #1

So then the other 3 kids get there and we decide to play dodgeball. That goes well. They get bored because Darin's not there to literally knock them off their feet with his 80 MPH dodgeball throw.. they seriously like to be obliterated by a dodgeball. So I suggest capture the flag. Yep, they all want to play that because most of them had never played capture the flag. I explain the rules.. I guess I didn't remember all the rules because it took about 2 seconds for my team to win. (I did NOT plan that, contrary to what you may think). I think of more rules so I share with the kids.. more like try to yell over them because they all talk at once. So we play again and again, my team wins after about 5 seconds. Gosh, I'm really a looser of a youth minister fill in. I am THE most forgetful rule rememberer ever. No joke. Sometimes, as you can read, this works to my advantage. =)

Suckey rules rememberer - Youth minister substitute STRIKE #2

Now it's time for the lesson. We're talking about the different ways that God can answer prayers. We play bible war cuz they had never played that either. The game where the leader tells you the bible verse and everyone frantically WITHOUT RIPPING PAGES {of course I had to remind them of that) finds the verse and stands up. So the one kid, bless his heart, is the kid that everyone picks on. Sometimes, the boy deserves to be picked on... he makes himself a target often. Is a minister's wife allowed to say that? I just did.. but keep reading so you can relate. We'll call him "Jack" for identity purposes. Little Jack asks me why Lord is capitalized in the Old testament but is not in the New testament. I tell him that in the new testament every time God, Jesus, Lord, He or Him is capitalized, that means that they are talking about our God.. Christ. So the next time a kid is reading a verse, Jack interrupts LOUDLY. He and I's conversation goes like this:

Jack: "I found a god in the new testament that isn't capitalized!"

Calm me: "It must be a different god they are talking about other than our God. Jack, you need to listen while someone is reading scripture."

Jack: "I don't want to listen to the bible right now.. I'm trying to prove you WRONG!"

Less calm me: "First of all, you are being very disrespectful to me and most importantly you are being even more disrespectful to God by saying that."

Jack: "You are so mean! I want Darin back!"

I agree. I want Darin back too. I've failed. Guess I'm not made for substitute youth-ministering.

I'm MEAN - Youth minister substitute STRIKE OUT!