Friday, June 15, 2007

I'm pretty sure I watch too much Dateline...

Yeah. Got a few "I watch too much Dateline leading to me being totally paranoid" stories.


Story #1: Adie and I took a trip to Target when she was about 2 weeks old. The girl had to have her first experience at one of the best places on earth. So we're shopping in the diaper area and this lady approaches me. She looks nice but kinda strange at the same time. She sees that I have a fresh new baby and asks me what kind of diapers I use. I tell her the Pampers Swaddlers and holy cow... you'd think "Pampers Swaddlers" was code for "please tell me everything about your entire life while we stand in the diapers section of Target". She precedes to tell me that she's adopting a son. Cool. She then tells me STEP by STEP how she's preparing her body to breastfeed him. (she's totally pushing 50) And how he's bi-racial and she asked for a biracial boy cuz no one else wants them. (THAT totally made me sad) She chats my ear off about ODD things for about 10 minutes... always coming back to how she's preparing her body to breastfeed this adopted baby. I know I exaggerate entirely way too much, but seriously.. it was 10 minutes. Then she asked me what Adie's name was. And I paused and thoughts of Dateline go through my head.



I thought to myself... "This woman is preparing to body to breastfeed for MY Adelyn. Oh yes, this woman is going to follow me out of Target, kill me and take my baby and breastfeed her. She hangs out in the diaper section of Target to select her next victims. I will kung-fo fight her if I have to in the middle of Target. Watch me."


And then I didn't know if would truly be lying in God's book if I fibbed a bit and told her Adie's name was Katelyn or something. There are a lot of Katelyn's out there. That way she couldn't look up Adie's real name and come to our house and steal her. Stupid youth-minister-wife me decided not to lie and tell her Adie's name. Eh. She finally stopped talking and I high-tailed it out of Target. I even left my cart near where I parked my car and NOT in the special fenced in area made for the carts. I couldn' t risk this woman following me out to my car and planning her kidnap there.



And then I got away. Far, far away from Target. And I called Darin and apologized for not putting the cart away in the special spot for carts cuz it's his biggest pet peeve.. he was okay with it because our daughter was not kidnapped and breastfed by the crazy lady at Target. Whew. If I never watched Dateline I would not have known this crazy stuff happens. God bless Dateline.



Story #2: Adie is again about 2 weeks old. (Guess I was getting sick of being home!) The planter in the front of the house is driving me batty cuz it's not filled with pretty flowers so I decide to go to the amish greenhouse down the road to get some pretty flowers. I ask the little amish lady if she has a cart or something that I can put Adie's car seat on as I shop. She then offers to watch Adie as I shop.



Um, I totally turned down an AMISH lady to watch Adie because again I was afraid it was crazy Target lady all dressed up to steal my Adie and breastfeed her. So yeah, I turned down the amish lady and instead drug a wagon all over the greenhouse knocking over planters, flowers, hanging baskets and making people walk all the way around to the other isle to avoid being trapping in the isles because of my wagon. The wagon wheel even fell off a few times to add to the stress. Yes, all because I turned down the fake amish lady who really was crazy Target lady whom was preparing her body to breastfeed my Adie.



It's a good thing I watch Dateline. Cuz you know they always have shows on why you shouldn't trust amish people because they are dressed up as crazy children stealers. Again, God bless Dateline because I would have been so niave to fall into these traps if I wasn't an advid watcher.



And now I'll leave you with a picture of Miss Adelyn and a funny t-shirt she has.


Notice her shirt says that she "Eats at Mom's" and that it doesn't say "I eat at crazy lady from Target whom trained herself to breastfeed me". Nope, it sure doesn't.

I will be MIA next week as Adie and I travel to Tenessee to meet my cutie-head new nephews. Have a great weekend and next week!

11 comments:

Half Pint said...

Oh my gosh. I'd be freaked out to. Mostly because I think it is REALLY bizarre that this woman is going to breast feed her adopted child in the first place. Sorry, maybe that's just me.

Have a safe trip next week. How long is the drive? Tim is already iffy about the 5.5 hour drive to my parents' house for Thanksgiving. He doesn't know about that amount of time in a car with a 3 month old.

RACHEL =) said...

Ummmmm, I would freak out too!!!!
Alexa is 4 1/2 and I am STILL over-protective like that with her.
There are a lot of crazies out there, ya know?!?!

ADORABLE picture of sweet Adelyn, and that t-shirt, ohhhh my gosh I'm going to have to get one once the baby is born!! I LOVE THAT!!! :D

Have fun visiting your sister!!!
BE SAFE!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)
And take lots of pics!!

{Oh, and call me on your way there so we can catch up, lol!}

Kat said...

oh my goodness- you had me laughing out loud woman! you are hysterical, the best story teller. but hey, you have to be careful of those crazy women at target preparing their bodies to breastfeed your baby. seriously. ;)
and can i say i am SOOOOOOOOOO impressed you were able to go out and about with a two week old baby! i think i was just starting to go do things, but never on my own at that point! so you go girl
love the shirt adie is sportin- but where's the bow??? ;)

rev said...

ok Darce, welcome to the crazy world of paranoid motherhood LOL. i never told you that, but it's totally normal. Well... not totally, but i do the same, so you just follow your heart and instinct girl. i see kidnappers EVERYWHERE. and seriously, you cannot be safe enough. and letting a total stranger watch your precious princess while shopping? i would comer over and shoot you if you do that!! and seriously, what was that lady thinking suggesting that?? she never met kungfu Darcy i guess ;)
just keep your princess close girl.
have fun at Tenessee and let Darin do the filling up the gastank so you can watch the crazy people at the station, safe with Adie :)

Jill said...

ahhhh, yes...the mommy paranoia! i totally agree with Revlie, you just never know and it's ok to trust your mama instincts!!! i think God makes us like that for a reason. lol at the t-shirt comment, yep it definitely says MOM'S, not the crazy lady from Target!!! love that you're back to blogging =) be safe on your trip and enjoy your time with your sis and those cutie nephews!!!

erika said...

ha!
I'm so going to have Colin read this...
just so he knows it's not just me!
you are a riot!
xxe

Mara said...

you crack me up.
i love your stories.
and she is just adorable.

amber said...

Too funny! Sadly though, these days you can't trust anyone. especially with your kiddos. I've definitely gotten better over the last few years, but I was definitely seriously paranoid when they were babies too.

Milissa said...

OMG this had me rolling... I was laughing so hard at this "Dateline" entry... hee hee... you are so funny. She is adorable and I love coming here and seeing the photos you post. Love that shirt! LOL... thanks for the laugh.

jenscaleshr said...

You're not crazy. You're a Mom. I would've done the exact same thing. I think Dateline has taught me not to make eye contact with anyone. ('cause I don't want them to steal my soul or something)

monica said...

You totally have me freaked out about Amish ladies, I guess I should be glad there aren't any around here in AZ.

You crack me up with your stories!!!